I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
