im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
