Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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