Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
