Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
