Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
