I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
