I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
