Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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