I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
