the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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