ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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