We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
