So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Terrible idea I love it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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