we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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