sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
