guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
