Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
