3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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