everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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