You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
