if only i could text you this smell
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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