Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
