My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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