Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
