I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
