i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
