and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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