you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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