Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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