im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
