Have you finally orgasmed yet?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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