i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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