Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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