I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
