someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
