So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
