Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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