You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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