just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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