i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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