no you cant smoke seaweed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
