So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
