Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
