Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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