I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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