he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
