she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
