Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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