How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
