if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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