I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
